Am I like the Rich Young Ruler?

I read Matthew 19 this morning. It made me begin to question so much. Will I be like the rich young ruler? Do I have the courage to ask God... "what am I missing?". I say courage because I think that is what I might need. I look at my life, my thoughts. In my head, I have done all that God has asked. I haven't done it since my youth. But since my salvation, I have strived to live a life that honored Christ. I had tried to honor my husband; be the "Godly" wife that God desired.. not perfect, but striving towards obeying God in this area. I have not put any other Gods before me... at least not to my knowledge. I have tried not to make anything an idol to worship.. at least not willingly or puposely. I have gone to church, faithfully. I taught my children about God from day one. My desire has been to live for God. ‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony,19honor your father and mother,’19:19 Exodus 20:12-16; Deut. 5:16-20 and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’19:19 Lev. 19:18” This morning, I found myself asking..... would I be like the rich young ruler? Would I even have the courage to say to Jesus: "I have done all these things"? The truth of the matter would be that I have not done all these things. I have desired to do them all, but I have failed. Though, in my mind, I have strived to do all those things, and thus I might have had the boldness to say it. But let's say that I have that courage, that boldness. Let's say that I said to Jesus "I have kept these things, what else am I lacking?" Knowing me, I might have said it to "make Jesus say something good about me, to affirm me, to puff me up and make me look good in His eyes"; that is not beyond the realm of possibility. I might totally expect Him to say to me "well done thou good and faithful servant" or "yes, you are amazing and you have earned a right to enter the Kingdom of heaven!" As sad as that sounds, it is true. I am realizing just how horribly true that is. So when Jesus responds in the way that he did.... when he opened the door of the rich young ruler's heart and revealed to him what was REALLY inside him... I realized that I could very easily have responded the same way. Then I got a little scared... what would Jesus ask of me? My first thought is, "sure, I would sell everything and follow Jesus... easily!" Then I began to ponder it. Yes, selling everything might be easy for me. At least, in my head I don't really think money means all that much to me. But, comfort does, so in reality, money probably means more to me than I think. But still, walking away from heavens door just because of money seems silly. So this is where God began to convict me. Am I courageous enough to ask God... "What am I lacking?". Do I really want to know? Will I enter the Kingdom of God? I have no doubt that I will. Jesus died on the cross to cover my sins. I beleive it with my whole heart. But, what am I lacking? Not to enter heaven... that is paid for, I can't earn it, I can't do anything to earn my way. This is a heart question... what am I lacking that separates me from a full, spirit filled life... .from obeying God completely, from finding peace, joy, and love... from knowing the complete fullfillness of living for Christ. From following Him with my whole heart. What is causing me to turn from Christ, from giving Him my everything? What am I lacking? The thing is, I know many things that are keeping me from Him. The thing that scares me is the answer that HE would give me. What is He asking me to walk away from so that I can follow Him? What am I holding onto that is more important to me than Him? I am not sure I have courage to hear those words. If He spoke them, would I do it? Would I love Him enough to be obedient to Him? Would I be able to do it? I am pondering that today. I want to have the courage. I don't want to be like the rich young ruler. .... but am I? It is a question that I need to ask myself, I need to search inside. I need God to show me. I need Him to give me courage to ask. The Rich and the Kingdom of God 16Just then a man came up to Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?” 17 “Why do you ask me about what is good?”Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.” 18“Which ones?” he inquired. Jesus replied, “ ‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony,19honor your father and mother,’19:19 Exodus 20:12-16; Deut. 5:16-20 and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’19:19 Lev. 19:18” 20“All these I have kept,” the young man said. “What do I still lack?” 21Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” 22When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth. 23Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven.24Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” 25When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and asked, “Who then can be saved?” 26Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” 27Peter answered him, “We have left everything to follow you! What then will there be for us?” 28Jesus said to them, “Truly I tell you, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man sits on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel.29And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife19:29 Some manuscripts do not have or wife. or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life.30But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first.